I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
