four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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