Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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