I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
