There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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