new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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