I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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