PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
