She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I puked a lego.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
