Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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