Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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