I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize