I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
