Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
