I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
