Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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