I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
