she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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