a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
