YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
