so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
