idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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