You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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