I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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