i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
honey bunches of taint.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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