ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
