my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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