Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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