Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This house was built for laser tag.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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