One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize