New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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