i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They took my balls.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Randomize
