Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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