help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
