I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
false alarm. still invincible.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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