I will die if light touches me.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
