Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
