So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
