my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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