Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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