There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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