I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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