I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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