Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
