Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
