so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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