How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
