No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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