just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
