When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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