I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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