help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
