Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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