It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
