Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
