I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
