How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
