If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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