i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
