so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
