Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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