Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
