omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
