Your face is a jimmy john
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
