im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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