You really coming over, don't trick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
