Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize