There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im part way to drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize