I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
