I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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