Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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