just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
