Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
