You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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