He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
