I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just found a bag of teeth...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dicks are not precious.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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