How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
