that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
