OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
