In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
