I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
