I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize