he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize