i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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