she was so not down for the gang bang
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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