I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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