Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
