i just google imaged poop.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize