You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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