Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
