i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
