this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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