so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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