ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
