You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found puke in my bra..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
