capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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