If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
