He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
