I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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