how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
