we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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