I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
