So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
