Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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