So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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