Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize