you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
